Can’t let go

This past weekend was tumultuous, to say the least. Without going into the details, there were a lot of highs and incredible lows. There were some major revelations and some life altering choices made, yet I am still presented with my choice: Do I continue on the path I am currently on and go into the Reserves, or not?

My mother offered to help me pay for college, instead of me joining the Reserves. That’s a pretty sweet deal, but is it what I want? Can I go into the military with my main support out of the game, for now and maybe for good? Do I want to possibly settle for less or do I want to go all out, balls to the wall, and say “I AM DOING THIS,” even though I’m terrified?

I keep going over the reasons I wanted to join the Reserves in the first place, and they’re all still valid. The reasons for not going are also valid. But, I just can’t come to terms with letting go and I also fear full commitment. (Worse than a virgin prom date, lol).

I think this past weekend is still too fresh for me to decide anything tonight, tomorrow or maybe even this month. I haven’t heard from my recruiter about my MOS yet, so I’m going to try to stall that a little bit.

Times like this I wish I had the ability to see into the future.

Doubts and Decisions

Joining the military is a big decision, huge even…it’s also: exciting, scary, brave, honorable, terrifying and a host of other adjectives.

I just passed my MEPS physical yesterday, so things are moving right along. I was 4 lbs over the minimum weight and passed everything with flying colors. I also found out that I might be able to get the MOS that I really want (Intelligence Analyst 35F), but they have to give me a mileage waiver because it’s further then they usually allow for a Reservist. So all’s going well so far.

BUT, I’m riddled with doubts. I see children that are the age my son is going to be when I ship out and it tears at me. It’s hard being faced with the reality of missing months and months of his little life. I got choked up both times I’ve been to MEPS when I saw little ones there to see some relative off to Basic (I didn’t cry, but it touched me).

That’s the hard part for me.

Family Care Plan

I need to write my FCP letter today. I’ve been putting it off because it’s such a big deal. I know my parents are keeping him and they’ll do a great job, but…it’s still leaving my baby in someone elses hands. Plus, I’m not really sure how detailed to be. Basically, I need to write what the arrangements are.
I’m not even certain it has to be written yet. My recruiter sent me an email with all of the FCP docs, some of which have to be notarized, but didn’t say anything about the letter. The only reason I know there’s a letter is that one of the docs says so.