Final post

I’m sorry to say, I’m not joining the Army Reserves after all. It was a very difficult decision to make, but I feel it is the right one for me and my son. If my situation was different, I would absolutely be joining and I respect and wish any one joining the best of luck, in any military branch.

John and I broke up over misrepresentations and our lives going in different directions.

I got a part-time job and am going to go to school in the Spring.

I’m not going to delete this blog incase anyone finds anything useful here. If you have any questions about the process, please don’t hesitate to ask. I got through most of it, so I may be able to help…or atleast tell you where you may find help.

Thank you to all of you who have read my blog and joined me on my too-short journey. Please feel free to visit my other blog: lostdmw.wordpress.com

Darlene

Can’t let go

This past weekend was tumultuous, to say the least. Without going into the details, there were a lot of highs and incredible lows. There were some major revelations and some life altering choices made, yet I am still presented with my choice: Do I continue on the path I am currently on and go into the Reserves, or not?

My mother offered to help me pay for college, instead of me joining the Reserves. That’s a pretty sweet deal, but is it what I want? Can I go into the military with my main support out of the game, for now and maybe for good? Do I want to possibly settle for less or do I want to go all out, balls to the wall, and say “I AM DOING THIS,” even though I’m terrified?

I keep going over the reasons I wanted to join the Reserves in the first place, and they’re all still valid. The reasons for not going are also valid. But, I just can’t come to terms with letting go and I also fear full commitment. (Worse than a virgin prom date, lol).

I think this past weekend is still too fresh for me to decide anything tonight, tomorrow or maybe even this month. I haven’t heard from my recruiter about my MOS yet, so I’m going to try to stall that a little bit.

Times like this I wish I had the ability to see into the future.

Doubts and Decisions

Joining the military is a big decision, huge even…it’s also: exciting, scary, brave, honorable, terrifying and a host of other adjectives.

I just passed my MEPS physical yesterday, so things are moving right along. I was 4 lbs over the minimum weight and passed everything with flying colors. I also found out that I might be able to get the MOS that I really want (Intelligence Analyst 35F), but they have to give me a mileage waiver because it’s further then they usually allow for a Reservist. So all’s going well so far.

BUT, I’m riddled with doubts. I see children that are the age my son is going to be when I ship out and it tears at me. It’s hard being faced with the reality of missing months and months of his little life. I got choked up both times I’ve been to MEPS when I saw little ones there to see some relative off to Basic (I didn’t cry, but it touched me).

That’s the hard part for me.

Eating Is Not Going Well

I haven’t weighed myself since before I went to MEPS last week, and I hadn’t been really worried about it. I was eating regularly and good portions, gaining weight at a nice clip, and hadn’t been doing much cardio just for the extra cushion at MEPS.

But…now I’m kinda worrying.

My diet has been TERRIBLE since MEPS. The first day there I had a snickers bar, and that’s it, the 6 hours I was there. No water (except a few sips from the fountain) and no “real” food. The second day, aside from breakfast at 5 AM, I had a snickers bar and 2 cookies. When I got home I ate a heap at Hooters, but eating like that doesn’t really balance well.

Weight issues

I thought I was doing pretty good with my eating, but evidently I was wrong. I weighed myself this morning and I’ve dropped 2 lbs give or take. Which I know isn’t a lot, but I don’t have that much margin of error! I have MEPS on Tuesday (a week from today) and I have to plan on them possibly having a scale that weighs me lighter, them weighing me before I eat, and / or (pardon me) me taking a big crap before getting weighed!

I ate like crazy (well…for me) on a trip John, Avery and I took last weekend and this morning was the first I ran since last Thursday (*hangs head*). We did do a lot of walking, so maybe that countered all the calories I packed in at Sonics?

I went to CVS this morning and grabbed some Boost drinks and some pop tarts to snack on…and some ice cream, lol. I’m also planning on hitting the push ups, sit ups, squats, etc. pretty hard and easing up on the cardio this week. Hopefully I’ll pack on a little more muscle before MEPS.

Watch me have all this trouble putting weight on and then I’ll be complaining in a few years that I can’t lose any weight!

Family Care Plan

I need to write my FCP letter today. I’ve been putting it off because it’s such a big deal. I know my parents are keeping him and they’ll do a great job, but…it’s still leaving my baby in someone elses hands. Plus, I’m not really sure how detailed to be. Basically, I need to write what the arrangements are.
I’m not even certain it has to be written yet. My recruiter sent me an email with all of the FCP docs, some of which have to be notarized, but didn’t say anything about the letter. The only reason I know there’s a letter is that one of the docs says so.

Quick note on excercise

I am having a hard time getting into gear with where I want to be excercise wise.

I want to be running at least 20 minutes every day and doing at least 3 sets each of 15 push ups and 20 sit ups; plus squats, calf raises and various other things to get my butt in shape for basic. I want to be doing this now so that I can gradually increase the load and be in pretty good shape heading to basic.  I’m currently running around a mile most days and doing maybe 2 sets of 10 push ups (girly ones!) and 10 sit ups. *Hangs head* I feel like I should be doing better!

The problem is, I know I have almost a year and the “do it tomorrow” voice is very convincing at 6 AM after the baby’s been awake in the middle of the night and I stayed up watching The Tudors later than I should have (hey, at least I’m honest). Plus, it’s starting to get cold and I HATE running in the cold…I hate doing pretty much anything in the cold.

So I lay there in bed and rationalize how one day off isn’t a big deal. And maybe it isn’t. A day off a week (plus weekends off) isn’t too terrible…is it? I get disappointed with myself when I skip, but oh how nice my bed feels!

I need to buckle down and stop making excuses and just do it!

Gaining Weight – It Ain’t Easy!

Ok stop rolling your eyes and making snarky comments about how you wish you had that problem…It really isn’t that easy to gain weight when you have to. I have to!

A few weeks ago, when I first went and talked with my recruiter, I found out I’m underweight. If I weighed myself after I ate, I’d be right at weight. So, it’s not like I’m horribly under, just a little.